The Proubarrassed Aardvark and the Terrible Human

One day, the aardvark reminisced about all the fun he’d had as a child playing with rag dolls. There was Marianne, Lucinda, and Claire. Oh, and Sally and Clarissa. (Don’t forget Mortimer!) Oh, he didn’t. The aardvark was just walking along, minding his own business, thinking fondly of his childhood, when along came a terrible human.

Now, the human wasn’t terrible for any unusual reasons, it was only terrible for all of the usual reasons. You know, like failing to floss regularly and getting fixated on minor irrelevancies when much larger problems were occurring with dire and increasing frequency. Like, hey, there’s a fire over here, HUMAN, why don’t you stop rearranging those sticks from smallest to thickest?

Anyway, this terrible human had found a rag doll (Mortimer) and was sort of idly playing with it. “Why don’t you play with some sticks, FLOYD? I’ve arranged them from smallest to thickest!” Along comes the Aardvark and he’s like, oooh! What do I do? That’s Mortimer the Hungarian Lion Tamer with (optional) deluxe tea service and this terrible human obviously doesn’t know that, but if I admit that I know that then that terrible human will know that I know that and possibly wonder how I could possibly know that! The most likely reason being that I played with rag dolls when I was a child which, as it turns out, is the ACTUAL reason. And everyone, EVERYONE, knows aardvarks don’t play with rag dolls.

The aardvark ate some ants and ruminated on this dilemma. Meanwhile, the terrible human continued to play with Mortimer the Hungarian Lion Tamer rag doll sans deluxe tea service. The house finished burning down.

Moral: Never let a little proubarrassment get in the way of enjoying yourself.

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