Satisfyingly Crunchy!

(Or was it more curiously filling?)

The Hrordks and the Mutresps had been fighting for 22 years over the question of whether Old Father Grorp’s crackers were Satisfyingly Crunchy! OR Curiously Filling!

It all started when Gutrum Hrordk and Philologer Mutresps sat down to discuss the Flyminder Creek situation over a box of Old Father Grorp’s You Got ‘Em! Sassemfrass Crackers. A casual remark from P. Mutresps about the curiously filling nature of the crackers led to a pointed retort from Gutrum Hrordk that they were satisfyingly crunchy.

The silence between them lasted 217.3 seconds, and then the two patriarchs went at it, hammer and tongs, as it were, until they’d made three cutting boards, seventeen butter knives, three compasses, and a garden gate hinge.

Twenty-two years later, and their output rivaled that of the not unindustrious nation of Hoovelmaskerpoot. Every week, it seemed, some new warehouse was being built just to store all the new stuff.

In his darkest moments, old Gutrum Hrordk wondered if perhaps those crackers were curiously filling after all. These thoughts he quickly and viciously squashed whenever they arose. Philologer Mutresps never had any doubt in his mind.

Curiously filling!
Satisfyingly crunchy!

Both were true, but you’d never hear the younger set saying that out loud. And, sure enough, after enough time, there was a bonafide, full meal deal Romeo and Juliet-type situation that went down.

After all the weeping, those crackers weren’t quite as satisfyingly crunchy as before. Also, who wanted to eat?

Freaking patriarchs.

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