The Fuzz that Sopped the Brain with Nonsense

(Or was it lint?)

Hermes Trismegistus was a sore loser. I mean, sure, he knew all the secrets of the universe, or whatever, the shadowy stuff that hides underneath the surface of everything, but, boy, watch him lose his shit over a chess game or even a game of checkers, and you might not think so highly of his sacred knowledge, you know?

All his friends were like, Hermes, listen! It’s just a game, man. Lighten up! But Hermes Trismegistus just kicked the table over, threw the pieces on the ground, even, one time, he stomped a knight and rook into the floor. Boy, Abraham was sure pissed about that. He was all like, do you know know who I am? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? But Hermes Trismegistus didn’t care. He was too lost in the throes of his rage. He stomped off.

It was really surprising, you know, because otherwise Hermes Trismegistus was kind of a cool guy. He was really tapped into the source, just seeing behind the curtain all the time, and then writing it all up. That was pretty high tech of him, open sourcing all those occult secrets, cracking that geode wide open to reveal the glittery shards inside.

Get him on the losing side of a game table, and something just snapped inside his syncretistic brain. Eventually, Thoth, Moses, Noah and all the others had had enough. They just stopped playing games with Hermes Trismegistus.

Funny, even losing at solitaire would spark that explosion. Until he realized he could cheat, that is. All his friends rolled their eyes, but whatever, at least they didn’t have to watch him rage anymore.

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