The Sleeping Man

(This is not a metaphorical sleep, no sir/maam!)

Once upon a time there was a man who was asleep for his entire life. He brushed his teeth asleep. He trimmed his toenails asleep. He ate kumquats and radishes asleep and even brussel* sprouts–though he wrinkled his nose, asleep, eating that last. He made kale and sea salt and vinegar chip and banana and blueberry smoothies asleep. He rode the bus asleep. He even drove asleep against the explicit warnings of the Surgeon General. Once he even flew in a hot air balloon asleep, but to be honest, he didn’t really enjoy it. When he spoke to people, he was asleep, although sometimes he stirred in his sleep when someone said something funny. He almost woke himself up from sleep sneezing one time and also that time he ate a really spicy pepper (it seemed like a pickle to his sleeping self). No one really noticed that he was asleep, because, well, they were asleep too. It was sort of funny all of this sleepwalking and talking and dancing and singing (yes, they even sang in their sleep, though not very well). You might think this story ends with the man waking up, but it doesn’t.


* Had to look this one up. Even now… it doesn’t look right.

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