There’s a Unicorn in the Breadbasket!

(And a Lion in the fruit bowl!)

Look, no one wanted the kind of dreadful occurrence or happenstance that went down last Thursday. Everyone was depending on someone else to rein in the madcap antics that went a little too mad. The consensus view was, I’ll flee in panic and YOU (someone other than me) deal with that THING (it was a little hazy, it being dusk) over there! There was a definite supermajority of folks who had decided that these kinds of perilous doings were not for them. Not even with a free stuffed tiger and/or coupons for a 64 oz. Slurpee. If we were ordering pizza, we’d all be going for pepperoni and olives, with no one even quibbling about not liking olives, that’s how unified people were on the terrifying blank that consumed at least 97% of our full attention (one or two of us did get distracted by something shiny, briefly, while running for their life). It was the kind of moment where, if this were a basketball game, we all tried getting the ball in the same basket, but only one ball could go through the basket at a time. Yeah, chokepoints were a real issue, let’s say, in the mad rush to, as one mind, flee to the so-to-speak “exit”. Ultimately, this was probably the deciding factor in 75% of us being consumed utterly in some mysterious and unverified (by government agents and news journalists) way. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, I guess, especially when you’re all trying to eat it at once.

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