Just in Time for Christmas

Reginald Scarebrackets moaned thoughtfully upon receiving the belated Christmas card. “But it’s just now June,” he exclaimed, slicing the card open with his preternaturally lengthy thumbnail. “Gads!” A simply dreadful green panda bear clung whimsically to a cart and horse.

Reginald Scarebrackets placed the card carefully on his lime-green linoleum floor. He scampered off to the next room, only to return, breathing heavily, with tongs and a machete tucked into his cummerbund. Breathing through his nose (it whistled) he slow leaned forward, tongs outstretched, and attempted to grab the card with the unyielding metal fingers. Upon his 17th attempt: success!

Reginald Scarebrackets used the tongs to shove the card deeply into the roaring fireplace and then hacked the fire to bits with his startlingly sharp machete. He made himself some tea and had a quiet sob in his luxurious grey-green Winchester armchair.

“Christmas,” he said, then sat in silence for some time.

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