Over There, By the Velocipede!

(Or was it the velociraptor?)

There once was an elevator that went to the moon, only no one knew about it because it was invisible. That was a shame, because it was a pretty nice elevator: speedy, not too busy, tastefully chosen music, satisfyingly thunky buttons. If you wanted to get to the moon, it was pretty much your best way to get there. Lord knows, the astronauts weren’t jaunting up there as often as they used to do. No sir (or ma’am), a real dearth of moon-jaunting!

So, if you wanted some moon cheese, well the elevator was pretty much the only way to do it.

One day, though, the elevator broke down. Maybe the elevator technicians went on strike. Maybe it got hit by an asteroid or some space garbage. Maybe some elevator gremlins took it over. At any rate, the problem was pretty hard to diagnose, what with it being invisible and all.

This enraged Harbey Quint, famed roboticist and culinary expert, whose jaded palate had never grown tired of the delectable moon cheese. Once that moon-cheese-train stopped running (by which I mean the elevator), Harbey Quint sunk into a deep despair that lasted at least 17 minutes. After which he settled on a plan.

Hunkering deep within his robot workshop/kitchen, Harbey Quint worked feverishly night and day, only stopping occasionally to peer longingly at the moon. And, yes, his mouth did water a bit.

Finally his work was done, and Harbey Quint unearthed his massive robot: a rabbit! (Yes, Harbey Quint was not without some gentle humor.) The rabbit robot blasted off into space, landed on the moon, and began to eat. And eat. And eat. And eat. And EAT.

The plan had been for the rabbit to eat all the moon cheese and then fly back down to earth, where Harbey Quint would have all of the moon cheese for himself. (Cue sinister laughter, if you’re into that kind of thing.) Only the rabbit robot just kind of stayed up there, big and round as the moon. Maybe it got stuck on the elevator or something. The President called Harbey Quint up on the phone and was like, Hey Harbey, you gotta put the moon back, man. Then all the other world leaders called too. Word had gotten out!

Anyway, Harbey Quint, somewhat reluctantly, built ANOTHER machine, and sent it off into space. This was a cheese making machine. It used space aether to make cheese, don’t ask me how. Science!

Soon, the moon was whole and round and made of cheese again. But as soon as the moon was whole again, that darn rabbit robot just set to eating it again, til there wasn’t more than just a sliver of it left. Well, that cheese-making machine wouldn’t stand for that (it was shaped like a cow), and set to making cheese just as fast as it could.

Well, those two just kept eating and making cheese forever and ever, and that there moon just keeps changing shape all through the months of the years all down the roads of time forever. Or just about as good as, as far as we’re all concerned.

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