Cornelius, Cornelius, What Have You Done?

(Or rather, what haven’t you done?)

Let’s say your name was Cornelius. No really. You are now Cornelius. Every day for your entire life that’s the word you’ve heard, consistently, more than any other. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius!

Now let’s say you really like marmalade. It’s your favorite thing. More than chocolate. More than ice cream. Even more than gluten-free bread! More than bagels. More than kumquats. More than violets and pumpernickel. More than raging waterfalls. Even more than all the things you’d think would be your favorite thing. But, just, there’s something about marmalade.

Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius! Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius!

Well, Cornelius, you’ve got some brussel sprouts. Do you put marmalade on em? You sure do!
How about spam? Also, yes. Your best three-piece suit. Well, secretly, hell yes!

Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius! Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius! Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius. Cornelius!

That’s just the kind of person you are, Cornelius. You love marmalade. And now, you don’t even bother to hide it. And it’s marvelous.