old old old

A long time in solitary awayness from home, with the old sawhorse, stroking
mane and heart and great greasy limpopo rivers (flow, river, flow!) spouted
out in delicious gusts of clickclockclacks. And so many fiddle-dee-dees are
crowding out my brain in stark silence of remembrance so that all my memories
are swushelling down the water spout (spout, spout deep and utter desirecry,
utteritnow, while spanish galleons fly, tossed about) begone and begun to
slippily away. but a great cacophony of nose or noise or parsimmmmmminose
flooded my eyeballs to the tippitytoptop of the irispupileyes till every
sense of nonsense and innersense was awash, scrubbed over with that tight
and spiralling musicmanstuff. to say happy, to say sad, to say fearful, to
say triumphant, to say caterwauling ecstasy, to say phantasmagorick, to say
gung-ho-waulers, to say rhythm-busting-spleen, to say earpoundinglightning,
to say dance in tootightcage, to say losslosslossloss, to say shreddedheart
and notesofclinicaland undespair. to what shall we give the honor, when glosses
all run dry, those fried fish curling about the rearend bumbler, smoking
out the nostrils of knowledge, that fish smells but how’d he know the screennnnnnning
war was out? will he know more crawl into the dank and tender gutter? rim
rim rim the rummypeg heartsgodown–these are so untrue, so dancey, so reknowned
by friend and unfriend and utterbadacquaintance. what words to capture music
so deep and stuck in gut and belly? none here for me, nonenonenone, panning
for gold–doesn’t help much–with askullfuloflang. and so a new oneoneone
descends (ascends?) to the tippily-toppily and baggage and full of portmanteaus
and cuban cigars and nonsquallored items of pastpastpast and over(?) things:
we are a housefyl (dig up dem bones, dem bones) of extinct and past and uttergone(?)
poundpoundpoundandthen….we’re……d..o…..n…..e…….. but the stuff
remainsremains and climbs into the bourgeoisweeping sentiments of (forgiveme)
yesteryear. ioncescreamed takeitbacktakeitBACKtakeITBACKTAKEITBACK!!! have
others also? toadily stonily(it’sminenow?) these ganglies lurchk and succkle,
tearing ligsandbone. but hear my melodra, my uttervillaintends–plots and
plots and conspirackles–the carp, my bone and foreversaken softneeeeeeesses(my
sweetbellybellysoft: my softness gone a cropper: grew pairacarapace to block
those stabbingutdaggslicesliswounds)… but no more listing to badomens:enough.
trending to live a little with coiled ropes about the head shall i pillory
all my absentias? my puckered stabbing moments? why–when IT conceals my
bettersellf–do i languish in thisorthatorother? whichbetween goes riding
on her broom. scareeeccup. pullp the trousers, conceal the mockandlaughbegottencursed
thing. onepersononlysecrettold: probably she does not remember, sorrowgrownandmaudlinmad
she was, all a’twither with the bugholes in her ownnnnnn brain, let her not
worrynormember my smallllll >woes< but my trackle’s been a sidedish
for too ling now. cannotnot recall the rest of [mor*D*ing wor*PH*s] to fill
out lusch and shadows of my brain and lines of cantforgot.

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