Distracted. IDON'THONESTLYKNOW, is it whichever, spders spdrs there's a certain serendipity to spdrs like a reverse lookup, or, you flipitover, you flipitiover.

Let me restart. When I was a kid I put spiders in jars in terrariums in little boxes i launched two in a model rocket, they went upandupandup and came down dead, in the littlebubble, but while in the box the rocket sat as i cleaned up the things the spider uncurledallofasuddenand scared the pits offa my theatricality. itweren'tdead, itwerelive.

I am always and always was afraid of them, the little buggers, and i played with them because fear and fascination are right in the same... they have the same... they start with the same letter, though they have a different number of syllables. but the fascination, with its more powerful from so many syllables, overpowers the fear.

Centipedes, on the other hand, which we HAVEN'TEVENPREVIOUSLYMENTIONED, i hate more than even bees. and they provide no honey.

(The bee thing, though fastidiously more or less true, was more maybe prompted by yesterdays ohsojusthappened thing than anything else. The centipede thing is forever. I put one of those in a rocket once too, but it skittered thru some little crack before I even got the thing two steps from where i'd picked it up and then came scuttering around the bottom and up to my hand and the whole shootin' match went instantataneously shooting across the garage from my spontaneous twitching.)

Yes, it's a distraction. I really think it's a distraction. But the problem with ME is I don't see how anything ISN'T a distraction. i become rusty and cluttered more and more as i age, and my cynicism just clunches in on my whole head, until i might even KNOW there's such a thing as some purpose some meaning some greater truth that might be worth playing around with I can't BELIEVE any of that or FEEL any of that except maybe when it's happening but when it's not i can cavalierly just say, "Bah. It's all for naught. We distract ourselves as soon as we're able, as babies, and struggle all our lives to find other ways to distract ourselves until we just aren't here anymore."