Playing with Dynamite

Remember that forgetful Walrus? I didn’t think so. Anyway, he was friends with this Carpenter. Together they’d built this pretty sweet boat. Really, it was a bunch of boats all tied together, but it seemed to float better that way. There was another big mass of boats that had come along a while back. They were built by a Unicorn, a Lion, and some other animals, I guess. They were all, “Hey Walrus and Carpenter! Come join us! We’d float so much better if you tied up with us!” The Walrus and Carpenter were pretty ok with it for a while. But then all these freaking Unicorns and Lions kept hanging out on their boat. “We can’t have this!” the Carpenter said. The Walrus was like, “I’m ok with it. The Unicorns and Lions have some pretty cool gewgaws.” The Carpenter kept stewing and stewing, really just obsessing over how great things were when they were floating on their own. He was remembering all the good times they had before their boat shrank (mysteriously–they suspected wizards and black magic and stuff). Then, while the Walrus was sleeping, the Carpenter ransacked their boat looking for a knife or a saw or a laser or something to cut their boat loose. That Carpenter just tossed a bunch of cool stuff over the side, also he cut up his hands and feet (mysteriously–he suspected wizards and black magic and stuff). All the animals on the other boats were like, WTF, man!?!? The Carpenter said (and there was a fair amount of spittle involved), “Things were better before in the magical time I barely remember!!” and then, inexplicably, started cutting through the part of the boat that had the rope tying their boat to all the others (he ignored the rope completely, for some reason) and all this water started pouring in. The Walrus woke up and was all, WTF, man!? Why is all our shit floating in the water? Meanwhile, the Unicorn was like, “Hey, I’ll just cut this rope then, yeah? See ya!” The Walrus got ready to sail away in one of the other boats. Meanwhile, the Carpenter, who seemed to have forgotten what to do with the knife or laser in his hand, just watched his golden umbrella floating away.

Moral: When you start behaving badly, don’t overestimate how much people like or need you.

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