Gifts of the Gahds

(Like “Oh my gahd!”, you know.)

The Gahd of Sneezes, whose name was impossible to hear and also pretty impossible to spell (but let’s call him Sneezles), was having a bad day. Seriously bad. It had all started when Yowch, the Gahd of Stubbed Toes, had sneezed one too many times and shouted, “Right back atcha, pal!” and, as Sneezles walked away, turned his head and laughed, sure enough, he stubbed his toe painfully on the shell of an imaginary deceased turtle or something and then while yelping–manfully, natch–and hopping out of the way somehow managed to stub three other toes while coming down vertically. “How can you stub your toe with a vertical motion?” Sneezles cried (also manfully, because gahd!) and wiped his eyes for no reason. Being a gahd was tough. Just for that, Sneezles afflicted 37 people with sneezing fits in Cleveland. Ha ha ha, Sneezles thought to himself, feel the might of my sneezes, puny humans! After that, though, things were kind of boring for a while. Just not a lot going down up (down? sideways?) in the Realm of the Gahds. They even got his ambrosia order wrong at the cafeteria. Figures! Sneezles thought and would have smote Ambivilia, Goddess of Getting Your Order Wrong and Not Giving a Fig About It, for it, but… she was not one to cross. Sneezles sat in midair and drank his drink he didn’t quite like until it had all been drunk and then stared off into the middle distance for about 6,000 years. Say what you will about eternity, there’s plenty of it.

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